Getting checked

One of the things that keeps me in check are my friends. I don’t have many and I have different levels of friendships. I have some that we meet up for lunch every year only on eachother’s birthdays to friends that I speak/text/message/email on an almost daily basis.

When I think about friends it reminds me of the inspiring words of TLC

People say I act a little funny, I wouldn't change not for no money
I'll be a friend as long as you're a friend to me, yeah, yeah
Even though I might seem easy, it don't give you no cause to deceive me
It's not the way I want my friends to ever be

What about your friends?
Will they stand their ground? Will they let you down again?
What about your friends?
Are they gonna be low down? Will they ever be around
Or will they turn their backs on you

I know how hard it is to make new friends. Especially when you’re an adult. Trust me I’ve tried. I think at times we are so familiar with the people we know now we don’t want to open up to other people. It’s like I’d meet people and i'ts nice to have some common interests, but a friend to me is someone who isn’t just like me, they show me that we have common respect for eachother and have the opportunity to build eachother’s trust.

To be honest, in the beginning of my relationship I shunned my friends. I feel guilty about it and realize it all now, but back then I didn’t. I was so busy working on a new relationship that I didn’t see the ones I had with my friends were falling apart. I’ve lost a few friends along the way. Probably because they realized I wasn’t worth hanging onto and calling me to do things anymore. I seemed too busy and they found other things and then they became too busy for me.

Recently I've experienced a loss. My world was rocked and I still am working on getting both of my feet back onto the ground. It's such an earth shattering experience that's left me feeling sort of socially awkward. I've been to 2 play dates and I've had to confess that I haven't been feeling so up for chit chat when there were still so many things for me to do. I'm really glad my friends understand. One of my friends had also expressed she was dealing with some issues and although we met up not being 100% where our physical bodies were, we still took the time to try and connect with each other. So here are a few tips to help keep your friends close.

MY FIVE QUICK TIPS TO KEEPING FRIENDS

1.Write your friend’s bday on your calendar. Wish them a happy birthday and they will appreciate that you cared. I can’t always make it to lunch with friends on their bday, but I try to work out a schedule with them when we are both free to catch up.

2. When your friend is having drama and you know your opinion will sound harsh start your conversation with something like “You know I love you right?” “You know all I want is the best for you” “I’m always on your side” “I support you 100%” give it a few seconds for them to lock those words in their heads then keep it real with them. It’ll show them that you care too much to see them hurting.

3. Send notes to your friends. Like you used to do in middle/highschool. You can text them stuff like “Have a great day” “Just wanted to say hi”  Someone put a little cuties orange on my desk and put a stick under it with “Orange-u glad we’re friends.” Freaken CUTE! I would probably add onto that and write something like “For a SWEET friend like you.” But make sure the fruit/candy etc that you’re using is sweet. It’d be weird if it was sour or tart. Oh oh. Or even wrap some sweettarts together and do something like “You’re the sweet to my sour. I’m glad we’re friends.” That would be cool too.

Well you don’t even need to buy anything. Sometimes I’d take a sticky off that person’s desk and write a little message. “I came by to say hi” “I realized your chair might be lonely so I came to visit it” “ one of my co worker friends actually saved up all my notes ive ever written on her desk (since she’s super busy I don’t get to say hi too often) and I thought that was sweet.

I think people appreciate that other people care. I know during some of the days when it seems like its dragging a note from a friend can bring up morale. Or even a note with “Good job on ----.” Makes you feel like you’re a value to the team.

4. Know that you don’t have to attend very party your friend hosts. The same goes the other way. Don’t get butt hurt because they couldn’t attend your child’s first birthday or that Halloween party you’ve been planning for a while. Everyone is busy and part of being a friend is understanding. So understand at times things come up and it’s ok. You expect your friend to understand that and they expect you to as well.

5. Wow it’s a little hard for me to get up to 5.

Their drama doesn’t have to mean it should be your drama. If you have an active friend who gets into other people’s businesses and you’d rather not see that side of your friend let them know politely. I’ve had friend vent to me and I help them filter it out. I think when people have drama issues they need someone to mainly listen and sometimes ask for their opinion. Am I over reacting? Did this really happen? Is she he them really that ratchet? Did you hear anything about it?

My thing is if you’re comfortable enough with me to pour your feelings out I’ll listen. I don’t like to listen to profanity though. I can understand what you’re saying and feeling without using the same 4 or 5 letter words repeatedly (sometimes even after each word it gets repeated) and I ask them to tone it down. Most of the time it works, but sometimes when you’re telling your story it just comes out naturally because of your frustration.

My mom always told me if im frustrated I can come to vent to her. She wont try to judge me whereas if I poured it all out to someone else they might think im just babbling in confusion.All im saying is if you’re the type of person who doesn’t like drama ask your friends to leave it at the door. It is healthier for both of you to focus on your friendship and not gossip that other people are saying about you. Part of being a friend is focusing on eachother and not worrying about what other people think about your friendship.

With issues of: Why are you friends with her. I say: I don’t know her that well. I know you longer, but from what Ive seen of her its whatever. I don’t have drama with her. if you want to vent to me about her that’s fine, but I'm not going to let it go anywhere. Its just between me and you. if she happens to start talking about you ill let her know that you are my good friend and I'm not in the mood to listen to it. If she still wants to be cool with me she should respect that.